On The Verge of Breaking

Been feeling quite unusual lately.. maybe thats why i left this blogsite hanging like an unwanted scarecrow.

Anyway, I am here to bitch about the daily basis of me not thinking deeply into why the heck am i doing this post! I know i'll regret it later.

A thought occured to me when i was sitting next to Hanafi during the Friday Prayer in a mosque next to MS (somewhat close to MS). I sat there thinking, why did things turned out to be this way!? By that i mean, why my life go the way as it is today/now and not the other way.

I thought about a lot of stuff.. me being friends with my friends, me being with my family, me being part of the community that i live in and me as Hafiz's best friend. I am happy as to the way things are right now but, i can't help thinking about what is going to happen next/tomorrow/next month/new year/the year after that? Life is filled with possibilities that it is endless! Having said that, the unwanted possibilities seems to be endless as well.

I'm the type of guy who actually keep things and people he loves and cares about close to him and fear of losing it. Or should i say that i am a materialistic type of person.

Losing things seems not an option for me. Losing someone is more or less losing a part of me.

"And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone"

That line from Yellowcard - Breathing is what i meant by losing someone. I know that some things are just too complicated for us to cope up with. But for me, an explanation is all that is enough for me and not arguements.

Hafiz, I was wrong about what i said earlier on.

I was being selfish. Fear of losing things to other things or someone to someone else made me this way. Its unreasonable yet it still happen to me. To anyone else. Without me actually realizing it, I hurt someone, other people, friends, family members and my best friend. An apology is insufficient to compensate all that.

If only i could live a carefree life. Set aside all the bad things/worries/pains and just live ur life to its fullest. All i want is for me to live a happy/healthy/wealthy life and of course the never ending prayers of wanting that someone to live a happy, healthy and wealthy life too. (You know who you are :) )

I am on the verge of breaking down. But that won't stop me from praying and hoping that one day, you'll be happy and for me to be happy too. My prayers of you is what comes first next to mine.

P.S : I know this post is dull, just bear with me.